I AM …
Everything after ‘I am’ creates …
Aging is something I use to fear. I watched grandparents age into wheelchairs, strict medication schedules, and nursing homes. Not wanting to spend my final years struggling with independence motivated me to stay active and train hard beyond college athletics.
However, that fear also lead me to a space of physical abuse. Overtraining, constantly sore, trying to reverse the guilt of a cheat meal, and running myself into the ground in the name of “self care”.
I began to question longevity, the health industry that encouraged this abuse, and myself. My identity was wrapped up in being a Swimmer, a CrossFitter, a Weightlifter, a Health Coach, etc. If I’m not competing in a sport and chasing a chiseled body then who am I and how do I know if I am strong and healthy? My self talk was something like this:
“If I skip this workout, I am unhealthy.”
“If I eat this treat, I am fat.”
“If I say no, I am lazy.”
Before I knew it I was closer to age 30 and working out was a chore that left me feeling more sore than strong. I was spread thin on social functions and jobs. My pants couldn’t button.
My worst fears were coming alive. I was feeling old and shitty. How could this be? I worked out daily. I never ate that damn treat even when it was all I could think about. I always stayed busy!
Everything after “I am” was being created. I was unhealthy mentally, physically, and socially. I learned to be very careful with the words that followed “I am”. My body was listening.
Who am I?
I am Megatron. Also called Meg, Mego, Maggie, Miss Megs, G Dawg, Meegan, Coach, and Crazy-Aunt-Meg.
I am adaptable. Sometimes I’m not sure who I am in this world but I stay curious enough to find out.
I am simple. I still rock under 50 clothes, shoes, and accessories from last year’s minimalism challenge. Less is more y’all.
I am smart enough to figure it out. I continually set goals to do things I’m unqualified to do. It’s emotional and can make me look stupid but it’s oh so worth it.
I am fearless, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel fear. It took me 28 years to get out of ‘override’ mode and respect my intuition.
I am safe in the world around me. There is risk anytime you leave comfort but I’ve experienced far more good in people than bad through all the places I’ve been.
I am comfortable in my skin. Once I realized aging for me began May 19, 1986 I let go of stories on how I should look and feel in my body. Getting old doesn’t have to mean feeling like shit.
I am loved. There is nothing more powerful than human connection. Even if our connection didn’t stand the test of time, I am grateful for it happening at all.
The best thing I know about me is that I am as lost as you are, but I still think we can help each other.
Thank you for giving me the space and support to find my way, over and over again. Much love.